Being a stepmom looks a little tough at first glance, but stepmoms may find it to be a whole lot tougher than they ever imagined it could be. I discovered a book called The Smart Stepmom, published in 2009. It was co-authored by Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge. Ron Deal is the founder of Smart Stepfamilies, director of a division of Family Life called “Family Life Blended,” a speaker, a therapist, and a husband and father.

Laura Petherbridge is an international speaker and has a website called thesmartstepmom.com. She is herself a stepmom of many years. Both authors have written other books on the subject of marriage, parenting, and stepfamily issues that I’m certain would be worth investigating.

The authors of The Smart Stepmom cover the subject amazingly thoroughly. They bring up just about every possible scenario. The book brings a much deeper understanding of the struggles of all parties involved—the dads, the ex-wives, the stepchildren who have lost their original parents’ relationship and those who have lost their biological mother by death, and the biological children of a stepmom. The book is filled with wisdom. One theme is the admonition to think of “cooking” the stepfamily relationship in a slow cooker instead of throwing it into a blender. It’s tempting to try to make your relationships meld together in a snap, rather than to realize it is a slow process.

Laura is very transparent about her struggles and failures as a stepmom, as well as her successes. There are Scriptural principles woven throughout the book, as a solid foundation and dependable source of advice. At the end of each chapter is a heartfelt prayer that a stepmom could pray. For stepmoms who would like to be involved in a stepmom support group, there are discussion questions at the end of each chapter.

Toward the beginning of the book (pages 46 to 48), there is discussion of a stepmom dealing with a husband who is unconcerned about her being disrespected by the children. I couldn’t help remembering that the biggest tip-off that someone is a narcissist is said to be a lack of empathy. Countless on-line videos addressing problems encountered with all-too-common-today narcissists (often covert) say that lack of empathy is a big red flag. A naricissist may respond very negatively to a plea for support. This book pointed readers to comments by Leslie Vernick, the author of The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.

The 272 pages of The Smart Stepmom are filled with invaluable advice for stepmoms. I believe this book would be worth its weight in gold for any stepmom. It’s very encouraging to know that the problems and heartaches experienced are common to stepmoms everywhere. The wise advice given may be a lifeline to a stepmom struggling to stay afloat. It’s never too late to gain a greater understanding. I heartily recommend this book.