As a result of the well known story of Cinderella, stepmothers have a bad reputation. The truth is, most stepmothers are probably not mean or cruel. Many are kind women doing their best to help care for the children. Some stepmoms do a lot of the same things that biological moms do. They may try to serve meals that please the children and do lots of extra laundry and, depending on the ages of the children, they may change diapers, wipe runny noses, kiss booboos, clean up messes, make sack lunches, help with homework, or provide “taxi service.” They may not want the exact same honor that the biological mom receives on Mother’s Day, but it seems safe to say that most stepmoms would like to be appreciated for all their efforts. In many cases it is a difficult problem to try to honor both a biological mom and a stepmom on the same day.

Thanks to a nine-year-old girl in Pennsylvania named Lizzie Capuzzi, since the year 2000 the Sunday after Mother’s Day has been “Stepmother’s Day.” Lizzie decided she wanted to celebrate her stepmother Joyce on that day. Lizzie sent a letter to Senator Rick Santorum to tell him of her wishes to make that day a day to celebrate stepmothers. On July 11, Senator Santorum spoke on the Senate floor about the day Lizzie had suggested for celebrating stepmothers, and it was entered in the Congressional Record. This is according to a website called checkiday.com.

How to Honor a Stepmom

What else can people do to help stepmoms feel honored? For one thing, people can talk up Stepmother’s Day and make it more widely known and accepted. Huffpost.com happened to have another good suggestion. People could contact greeting card companies and request that they make a card category for stepmoms. Those companies would be doing themselves a favor, too, since there is a big market for it. In the absence of cards specially designed to show appreciation for stepmoms, the children could use a blank greeting card to write their own sentiments, or even just a piece of paper.

And there’s another issue. Stepmoms may find it awkward and painful to attend church on Mother’s Day. Pastors often ask mothers to stand up on Mother’s Day so they can offer a prayer for them or let the congregation applaud in honor of them. A stepmom is faced with a disturbing dilemma. Thoughts may race through her head. “If I stand up, will I be taking credit due the biological mom? If I don’t stand up, will it look like I don’t like being a stepmom, or I don’t take my position as a stepmom seriously?” She might wish she could stand halfway up or just crawl underneath the pew.

How do I know so well the thoughts that may run through her head and how she may feel? I am one of them. For me it became even more confusing. When I married my husband, his two children had already completed high school. I hadn’t really had anything to do with their upbringing, so I didn’t feel deserving of any recognition. On top of that, there was a little less age difference than there would normally be for a mother.

The family.com website suggests a way we can help women who feel conflicted about receiving recognition in church on Mother’s Day. We can educate our pastors about the awkwardness experienced on Mother’s Day by moms who aren’t biological moms. We can suggest that if they are going to have moms stand, they should say, “if you’re a biological mom, a stepmom, an adoptive mom, or a foster mom . . .” (And why not ask them to share the advice with their friends who are pastors?)

It isn’t just on Mother’s Day that being a stepmom can be a challenge. In some cases, there are some complex family dynamics to try to understand and deal with every day. If you’re a stepmom facing some challenges and you’re reading this article, remember that you’re not alone. There are many others like you. The family.com website has articles that are helpful for various family situations. They have a selection of articles for stepfamilies that may have some information helpful for your situation.